By Amy Townson

Several of my recent client projects have been highly technical. I’ve found myself doing a great deal of troubleshooting and training for end-users. One day, five different end-users apologized to me for not being technical. I promptly explained that they didn’t need to apologize, but this is a reminder we could all use!

We all have our areas of expertise. Mine is likely very different than yours, and that’s okay. These differences make us stronger as a team and help us see more sides of an issue. You don’t need to apologize to me for not knowing my job any more than I would apologize to you for not knowing your job!

Sometimes, of course, an apology is needed. There’s a way to apologize correctly.

The Correct Way

We are all only human and will always make mistakes. An apology is warranted when you make an error in the business world. If that happens, you should apologize as soon as possible after you notice the mistake. These three steps will help:

1. Acknowledge what happened. Making mistakes isn’t a problem – the problem typically lies in how we respond to our own mistakes. Simply acknowledge what happened.
2. Own your mistakes. I’ve found that hiding mistakes under a rug and hoping no one notices really isn’t the best way to approach business (or life in general!). Own your mistakes and admit that you made an error. Chances are, it’s not a life-or-death situation and can be corrected.
3. Share the solution. There’s nothing worse than apologizing for uncorrected or repeated mistakes. In your apology, let the other person know what you have already done (or plan to do) to correct your mistake. If appropriate, I also mention how I will prevent the same error in the future.

You Don’t Need to Apologize For…

The above steps focus on apologizing when an error is made. But, so often, we apologize for other things. I know I’m guilty of some of these – are you?

• When you are sticking to your core values. We all have our personal core values, those things that really matter to us. You should never apologize for acting in line with those values. For example, personal and professional growth is my top core value. It would be out of character if I ever apologize for wanting to expand my skillset. Similarly, I won’t apologize for encouraging someone else to expand theirs (even if it means they outgrow their current position). I also firmly believe in transparency and honesty and will never apologize for refusing to lie to someone.
• When you are part of the solution but not the problem. There are always times that we are part of correcting a mistake that someone else made. You don’t need to apologize for someone else’s mistake. I have to add one caveat here – if I’m leading a team and the team makes a mistake, I always try to accept ownership. I might say, “I’m sorry, we missed that, but I already have the team working to correct our mistake. You should see this data display correctly before the end of the day.”
• When you need someone’s help. None of us are superheroes, and we all need help from time to time. This isn’t a fault or a failure of my psyche or yours. This is just a recognition that we are all only human. It’s okay to ask for help, and I often wish I had asked for help earlier than I often do. If you are interrupting someone, you may want to say, “Excuse me, could I have your help for a minute?” but you don’t need to apologize.
• When you don’t have the same level of knowledge as someone else. This goes back to my original point. We all have our unique areas of expertise, and that’s okay. If I know more about a topic than you do, you don’t need to apologize – I’m sure there are things you are an expert on that I’m clueless about! These differences strengthen us overall and should be celebrated. I’m always happy to share my expertise, and I’ve found that most people are the same way.

Really, each of these boils down to the same message. You don’t need to apologize when you have nothing to be sorry for. It’s okay to embrace your core values and stick to them. It’s okay to only be human. (Actually, I’m not sure what the alternative here is, so let’s all celebrate that we’re human!)

But It’s Hard to Stop!

It is hard to change our behaviors, whatever they are. It’s even more difficult when that behavior seems so prevalent in Western culture. I’m as guilty as everyone else! Here are the tips I use to try to curb the habit of over-apologizing:

1. Acknowledge my reason. Why do I feel the need to apologize? Is it appropriate? Did I make a mistake, or am I using an apology as a filler? Maybe a simple “excuse me” is a better option.
2. Determine the necessity. Is the apology necessary? Did I make a mistake? If I did, am I including a solution?
3. Rephrase my statement. Is there another way to phrase my statement if an apology isn’t necessary? This could be as easy as just asking a question. If I need help, I can just say, “could I have a few minutes of your time?” If I don’t understand something, I can say, “I’m not as technical as you. Can you walk me through the process one more time?”

What Tips Do You Have?

Is this an issue you’ve struggled with, too? I’m always looking for great tips and would love to hear yours! Connect with us on LinkedIn and let me know what you think.

Written by Amy Townson

Amy is a certified project manager with over 20 years of experience and expertise in the health and human services industry, transportation, state government sector, contract management, and project management techniques. She has successfully managed over fifty unique projects and multiple portfolios of projects. In addition, Amy has provided training for state and federal clients on a variety of topics. She has strong facilitation skills with the ability to tailor messages to fit the audience’s experience level and role. Amy is a skilled leader of in-person, virtual, and combination teams.

Like Amy’s work? Check out some of her other blogs – Remote Working During Covid-19, A Risky Mindset for Project Management, or  Gen Z in the Workplace.